The Cheese-O-Lantern

LITTLE ROCK - While pumpkins might be the tradition among losers and gypsies for Halloween carving, there is a new tradition taking hold in the nation - cheese carving.
While the fad is gaining strength throughout the country, its birthplace was Little Rock, Arkansas, where a shortage of pumpkins led sad children to seek other foods to quench their thirst to jam a knife into something.
"The kids were runnin' a muck when the pumpkin patch ran out of pumpkins and the hobos took it over. I didn't know what to do . . . I thought 'bout shootin' at the little buggers, but there were too many," said local resident and old person Gus Havens.
Children were lighting school buses on fire, slaughtering elderly women by the truckload and also refusing to do their homework when they heard of the shortage in pumpkins. At the sight of the chaos, local dairy farmer Ginny Watkins came up with a solution.
Watkins, whose wheels of cheese are prize winning in the county, suggested the children carve faces into her cheese. The children, armed with pitchforks and torches, agreed.
"It was so much easier, and I could just eat it afterward instead of leaving it on the porch to rot," said Little Rock local Stevie Riler. "I love cheese!"
After eating their carvings, children found it was also good for their systems as well for their Halloween spirits.
"Not only have my patients been healthier, but in fact they are more cheerful and eager to celebrate the devil's holiday," said Dr. Francis Kelley, a local physician. "Hell, even I took some chesse and carved myself a Monterey-Jack-O-Lantern."
There you have it, the hard facts. Cheese can solve any problem, is good for any holiday, and is good for your system and even Lucifer's himself.