Cheese is Good for the (Fuel?) System

Kenosha--Scientists here at the Kenosha Toyota Plant have made a startling discovery. If you add a cup of shredded cheddar to your gas tank with every refueling, it increases fuel economy by a whopping 300%. According to Shenzi Unayumora, Vice President of Cheese/Fuel Hybrid Research, "We suspected all along that cheese would be good for the vehicle. Hai. What we did not anticipate was the level to which cheese is good for the fuel system. *bows* This brings shame onto my family. I am deeply sorry." As Mr. Unayumora pointed out, no one anticipated that cheese would be this beneficial for the fuel system. Ford has been secretly researching "cheese bags" as safer alternatives to airbags for years, with the added benefit of being edible in case you crash in a remote area. GMC has redesigned the new Sierra to have 13.6975% more cheese than ever before. Cheese has many benefits for the system which have still yet to be discovered. Shenzi Unayumora offered these closing thoughts, "I have agreed to work day and night without pay for the next two years to make up for my failures. We believe that cheese may still hold secrets, perhaps more benefits to the braking system or as a lubricant. With cheese, all things are possible."