Cheese ... Good for the Economy

Happy Valley--Researchers here at Penn State's Jobaholic Jazzmotronstitue have recently discovered a shocking trend in cheese/business relations. Cheese is good for your economic health. According to Workologist Ooter Olonoskoptor, "Jah, der cheese ees vary vary goot for der system." His translator interrupted, "Applicants who included cheese were 5,000/10000000 times more likely to get the job than those without cheese." We here at CIGFTS found one such lucky person. We've agreed to refrain from using their name as thanks for their bribe.
CIGFTS: So how did it all start?
Mystery X: Well, some older kids dared me to. Then I found I liked it. The next thing I know, the Lake Farmparks sent me a letter telling me I wasn't welcome there anymore. Stupid goats.
CIGFTS: No, I meant the cheese/job applications. Eww
MX: Oh ...yes, the cheese. Oh, that. Well, it was all an accident at first. I was making a grilled cheese before dropping off a resume. But I accidentally left a few slices of sharp cheddar in between the pages of my resume. To my amazement I got a call a few hours later.
CIGFTS: And what did they say?
MX: I didn't get the job. But thanks for the great cheese. You could tell they were eating it while they talked, really savoring the cheesy goodness.
CIGFTS: So what did you do?
MX: This is totally anonymous right? Because .... felonies were committed. Houses were robbed. Animals were ... touched inappropriately.
CIGFTS: Maybe you should skip to your next resume
MX: Prude. Well, anyways, it got my foot in the door. So I started mixing it up. Some provolone here, a little mozzarella there, slices, cubes, shredded. All kinds of things. Then I tried melting it. Finally, as I was just about to give up, this mime comes up to me and says, "Have you tried brie?"
CIGFTS: MIMES DON'T TALK!!!!
MX: This one ...
CIGFTS: Never, nada, nope. It's against their religion, their gods would punish them.
MX: Okay, maybe it was a clown. Or it could have been a Frenchman, he was definitely ... avec beret. So he suggests a nice brie spread on the back of each sheet. All of a sudden I'm flooded with phone calls. And while I'm telling everyone what kind of cheese it is, I get a job with McDonald's. Executive Cleanliness Assistant.
CIGFTS: Sounds like upper management *cough*janitor*cough*
MX: Oh yeah, I've even got two offices. I put my sign on the door, and bam ... no one dares to disturb me.
CIGFTS: Probably the fumes. Well Armin, thanks for talking with us. Man, that Armin Tamzarian sure can talk can't he folks?
MX: This was supposed to be anonymous. I told you about the goat deflouring!
CIGFTS: You did what with the where now?
Armin Tamzarian: No, no ... f-l-o-u-r, like the cooking stuff. See, we were making noodles and the goat got into the flour
CIGFTS: But what was the goat doing in the kitchen? No, never mind. Onward, upwards, and always with Cheese